Archive | Dating & Sex

The Six Sixes


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

You know how men use a scale from 1-10 to determine a woman’s attractiveness? A 10
is a smoking-hot babe a la Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and a 1 is something that crawled
out of a murky Louisiana swamp. Well, women have their scale too, and it’s called
the Six Sixes. But unlike men’s method, which judges women based solely on their
appearance, the Six Sixes evaluates men on their bodies, their income and their ability
to…perform.  In other words, women have come up with a system of our own, created to weed
out the average Joes from the Brad Pitts. Shallow? Perhaps, but don’t think
she’s not judging you. Unless she’s a gold
digger
and solely out for the cash, most gorgeous, independent women are going for the
gold: the crème de la crème of men. Put plainly, we’re looking to score as
many sixes as we can. The more sixes a girl can score, the better. A ten-incher or a
seven-figure salary can make up for a lack in the other departments, but if you’re
majorly missing one of the below, you might want to start working on filling in the gaps.
Read on for a breakdown of the Six Sixes.

A six-figure salary

These days a six-figure salary isn’t much, but it’s sure as hell better than
a five-figure salary.
Five figures is fine for your average Joe, but to many ambitious women, five figures
screams middle class. A successful woman is searching for someone who can treat her to the
finer things in life: last-minute weekends in Paris, vacations in Bali and expensive
dinners. But it’s not just about the material things. No matter how equal women
become to men, when it’s all said and done, money equals power and masculinity. A
man who earns a lot of money can more easily take care of his family. And to a lot of us,
that is way sexy.

At least six feet tall

It almost goes without saying that taller men are more attractive to women. Six feet is a
good starting point; it’s sort of like how guys think of a 36C cup size. Height
suggests safety and security. We like to feel small and protected in the arms of our guy.
A man who’s two inches taller than us is not likely to make us feel sexy or taken
care of. More likely we’ll feel like we’re hanging out with a friend – and that is
not going to get us hot and bothered.

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How To Get A Girl’s Number


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This week, Doc Love, author of “The
System,”
 explains how to get a girl’s number.

reader’s question

Hey Doc,I recently met Jillian at a karaoke competition. I walked up to her
and told her she did a good job. We talked for about 10 minutes. I should have asked for
her phone number, but I
didn’t want to seem too pushy. However, she was very friendly and easy to talk to.
She happens to work at a restaurant I frequent. She said to come and visit her some time
when I go there. I said I would request her section. She is a “10” by the way,
but I hope to win her over through Challenge.

Moving Too Fast?

Through Facebook I invited Jillian to a party I was throwing and posted a comment that it
would be cool if she could make it. I also messaged her, but got no response to either. I
know this was a mistake, but I’m only reading your book now. I am guessing that
Jillian has no interest in me because she would have probably responded to one of those
messages. Her sister happens to work at the same restaurant as Jillian does, and she
usually ends up being our waitress. This gives me an opportunity to say
something to Jillian’s sister that I am sure she will tell Jillian. I don’t
want to ask her for Jillian’s phone number or anything. But if I happen to see
Jillian and she seems interested in me, I will go ahead and ask her for it. But should I
say something to her sister if she waits on my table? I thought about saying something
along the lines of “I met your sister the other day at the karaoke competition and
she sang really well.” I also thought about saying something like “Jillian is
really cool,” or something like that.So what do you think, Doc? How do I
get a girl’s number? What should I do when I finally see Jillian again?Lawrence – who still has hope 

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Lawrence, Asking for a girl’s phone number is the very first
check you make of her
Interest Level
— that’s how important it is. This is not being aggressive or
pushy, my friend. This is simply a matter of trying to ascertain how interested she is in
you. To you psych majors, a woman can be nice and throw herself all over you when you meet
her, but if she doesn’t give you her phone number it means that her attention was
nothing but a big act.Doc Love explains how to get a girl’s number, next…

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Dating Your Friend’s Ex


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One of the eternal questions that plague men all over the world is, what are the rules
about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of man code that
says that once a woman has been claimed by a member of your pack there is no way another
can ever date her down the road? Is there a time frame from when they dated that makes her
totally off limits to you? Let’s say they dated for six months. Does that mean you
need to wait around another six until you can do anything? Until he has another
girlfriend? And what happens if this is your best friend’s
girlfriend
? What are the rules then?Let’s set the scenario: Your
friend is dating an amazing girl. (And I’m talking about a real friend here, not a
friend of a friend, a work friend or someone you see around who goes to all the same
events as you.) The whole time your friend was dating this great woman, you always made
sure to tell your buddy how lucky he was to have a woman like her. Every time you hung out
with them in a group you guys really got along with each other. She was so cool. And all
you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like her?”

Can You Date Your Friend’s Ex?

But now you’re in a predicament — they’ve broken up. To make things worse,
she was the one who broke things off with your friend. Maybe he called you and told you;
maybe you saw her out and, in the middle of another great conversation, she brought it up.
So what do you do at this point? Is is OK to call her? Or
maybe she’s started calling you.Now that she’s single,
you’re really thinking about this woman a lot. You start to develop feelings for
her. You guys talk with each other and she tells you she’s starting to have feelings
for you, too. At the same time, your friend still talks about her and wonders if he did
something wrong to ruin the relationship. Now you’re in one of the
biggest predicaments of your entire social life. You really want to start dating your
friend’s ex, and she wants to go out with you. You want to start seeing her, and you have
a very strong feeling that you two are really going to hit it off. What do you do in this
situation?

RELATED
VIDEO: How To Date Your Friend’s Ex

How To Handle Your Friend’s Ex

There are a lot of guys out there who truly feel that once they’ve dated a woman she is
off limits to all of his friends — no matter how long it’s been since they broke
up. This is ridiculous thinking. We don’t own people; we just share our time with
them. It’s your job to make the relationship that you have with her a great
experience, and when that relationship comes to an end, you need to let her go. You had
your time together and hopefully you created some great memories, but now it’s not
your place to try to change and control anyone’s future or the way they want to live
their lives.I am somebody who truly believes that people are not possessions.
I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s
your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom. If I
break up with someone — and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot — I have no
problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying
her. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by.
If you’re feeling a connection with someone, I firmly believe that you
need to take every potential opportunity for finding a great person to be with. And if
you’re the bystander, if you’re fuming because your friend is dating your ex
who broke up with you, you need to realize that people are not your possessions. You may
have shared something special with her in the past — and that’s something to
cherish — but now it’s time to give your friend and your ex the freedom to do what
they want without you in the picture.More on what to do about dating your
friend’s ex, next… 

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Being Needy


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This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” advises a reader who’s being needy.

reader’s question

Hey Doc,

I’ve been with Shari for two and a half years. I’m 28, she’s 25 and we live apart (me with my ill mother and her with her family). But after hearing your radio show, I’ve been forced to take an honest look at myself and decided that I am in need of coaching. Like with any relationship, there have been some bumps in the road, and I must shoulder part of the blame because I have taken the “wimpy” approach.

 
Constantly trying to be the nice guy, I have lost the upper hand and feel like the woman in the relationship. My insecurity has caused me to make myself come across as needy. I am always the first to talk about the future, to which Shari usually gets uncomfortable in discussing “heavy” topics. We work together and she is genuinely my best friend and can definitely be a Giver, however it is maddening to know that my interest in her is probably at least 90%, but the sad reality is I feel like hers is probably only about 70% to 75%.  Although that doesn’t seem like too large of a gap, sometimes I feel it is worlds apart.

Sometimes Shari will say how she wants to raise our kids or what she wants in our house, but when I try to expand on the issues,  she gets uncomfortable and shuts it down. Shari is one of those girls who has a bunch of guy friends because she doesn’t get along with girls. I am trying not to be a jerk, but I don’t like it. I admit that my insecurity about her is through the roof and that is on me, but I am looking for coaching so I do not ruin this relationship.  We have rarely fought, and she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. By the way, she has been in this country for 10 years and is a refugee of war and comes from a very emotionally distant family that rarely shows affection. In her past, she was engaged and lived with a man who physically and verbally abused her.

As for me, I’ve only had one serious relationship before this and am obviously not an expert. I am happiest when I am with Shari, but when we are apart I am miserable. I know I’ve become a wimp, and it wasn’t until my ex left me that I took this weak and pathetic approach in my life. I know you will say I need to buy “The System,” and I give you my word I will, but in the meantime, Doc, I have no one I can talk to or ask for advice on this matter. I feel like a loser and am embarrassed by the lack of balls I have displayed. Shari has told me on numerous occasions that she was attracted to my confident, sarcastic attitude and tattoos (i.e. the bad boy persona), but now that I have her, I act like a wuss.

Fang – who can’t stand himself

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Fang,

If you’re aware that the wimpy approach is not working, why do you continue using it? Have you thought about taking another approach besides the wimpy? As far as feeling like the woman when you’re with Shari, you’re not alone. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “That’s the way it is in most relationships.” If you keep talking about heavy topics with Shari and she shuts you down, why do you repeat your mistakes? This is a syndrome that I point out in my book — which you don’t have. If you keep doing something that makes your girl uncomfortable, why would you go on doing it? Wouldn’t common sense tell you that your approach isn’t working and that you should get a hold of my book and find out what the
alternatives are? Don’t you ask yourself these questions, guy? Or do you want to stay marooned in a cycle of self-defeat?

How should Fang handle his situation? That’s next…

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Relationship Insecurity


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This week, Doc Love, author of “The System,” advises a reader on dealing with relationship insecurity.

Reader’s Question

Hey Doc,I’m thoroughly amazed by your columns and the amount of insight you are able to put into them. I’m writing regarding a major issue that I’m having with Delilah. She’s a beautiful, fun, honest, caring girl, and we’ve been dating for two years now. We did have a minor breakup three months into this relationship. The cause was nothing too big, just that things were becoming rather dull and I made my mistakes,
too.

Here’s the problem. After that breakup, I offered to take Delilah out to lunch for a closure date. It ended with her kissing me on the cheek. The day after that, there was a party to which we were both invited. At this party, she made out with another guy. It might have been on a dare, but she wouldn’t have done it if she actually cared about me. Two days later, she was leaving for Bali for the summer, and I went to see her off at the airport, something she asked for.

We made out at the airport, which reignited our spark, and as soon as I got home, I received a text saying, “Why did you do that? Now I can’t get you off my mind.” Obviously, she was leading me on to believe there was some hope left in this relationship.Before I go on, I’d like to mention that I was very “whipped” by Delilah in the sense that I really, really loved her and would do anything to get her back — anything. When Delilah was in Bali, she said things like, “I still feel like I belong to you. I could meet other guys if I wanted, but I don’t because I feel like I’m still yours.”

Just one day after she said it, she went to third base with some guy from her old school. This was all within a week of breaking up with me, and it completely wrecked me. I still haven’t forgotten the feeling I had that night, and it happened a year ago.Delilah told me how bad she felt about what happened and how it was boring and how the guy begged her for three hours until she gave in. Then she told me she loved me, and like the whipped dog I am, I said, “I love you, too.”Things got better after that, as we got back together a month later and are now happy as
can be. Or so it seems.

Doc, I am extremely insecure now. I feel that whenever Delilah goes out or is at a party where I’m not, she will cheat on me. I can’t stand the thought of her being alone with another guy, even though I know she won’t do anything. Delilah is now leaving the country for two years, and even though we will try and arrange visits, it deeply saddens me and I’m going to miss her more than I can imagine. Sorry for the sissy talk. What do you propose I do? I will be worried and sleep-deprived every time she tells me she’s going out. I always feel I am not good enough for Delilah, and I want this to end. I really need your coaching, Doc.Chung – who needs to change himself

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Chung,You say you had a “minor” breakup with Delilah just after you
started dating and that the cause was nothing much. I’ve got news for you: You don’t break
up over something minor; you break up for something major. To you psych majors,
when you split with a babe, the cause is something big. When you don’t break up, it’s not
a big deal. So you’re rationalizing here, pal.Why did you go to a party that
Delilah was invited to? You just split up with her, didn’t you? But it doesn’t matter why
she kissed another guy. You two are history, remember? If she dumped you, there’s nothing
wrong with her kissing someone else. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It just
verifies the fact that you’re finished.”How does Chung get over his
relationship insecurity? That’s next…

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