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BREAKING OUT OF "PLAYER" MODE
Here are the old terms:
Womanizer, Ladies Man, Playboy. Here’s the new title: Player.
The lines are blurred now. It’s no longer just men using women for sexual
pleasure. Now it works both ways—thus, we have the new, nongender title.
Before we can break
the "Player" pattern, we should first define the title. What kind of person
is a Player? Let’s start with some of Webster’s definitions for the word,
"play":
play vi: to have promiscuous or illicit sexual
relations; to move aimlessly about; to deal in a light, speculative, or
sportive manner.
I asked a recent
group of workshop participants to list the qualities of a Player, and
here is what they came up with:
Someone who is very flirty, especially
sexually flirtatious
Someone who is a game player
Someone who has a reputation of having
short-term relationships (lasting less than 2 yrs.—an "attraction junkie")
Someone who is interested only in casual sex
(sport sex)
Someone who is not necessarily monogamous
Someone who gives you lots of compliments upon
first meeting
Someone who is a "shopper"
Someone who is dishonest, self-serving and
superficial
Someone who says negative things about
marriage or "settling down"
Do any of these
qualities remind you of someone you used to date? Do the above qualities
describe you? How does it make you feel to know you were involved
with a Player? Does being involved with a Player then make you a
Player? How does it feel knowing that others may be describing you as a
"Player?"
What causes
someone to become a Player? That’s
another list, isn’t it?
Emotional wounded (being
severely criticized during childhood leaves some people with the need to
prove how wonderful they really are, especially when interacting with the
opposite sex)
Badly burned at first attempt
at love (the heartbreak was so bad that the person has shallow relationships
the rest of his/her life)
Learned behavior from a
parent who was a Player or from Hollywood (there is a constant need for
challenge; or he/she learned the opposite sex is to be conquered)
What type of
person is attracted to a Player? There is only one answer: a very
insecure person. A Player’s special attention gives your ego a huge
boost. However, the huge boost is a sign that your self-esteem must have
been in the gutter. You know you are way out of balance when being
sexually desired is the only thing that gives your ego a huge boost.
So, how do
you break out of Player mode? Simple answer: take at least a six-month
"dating break." Yes, your friends will notice that you are not "with" anyone
and they will ask questions. Be prepared to answer by saying, "I am on a
dating break and am taking time to work on myself." Your true
friends will admire that answer and respect you.
Romans 12:2
– Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Melody Ellenberger's
philosophy is that the greatest amount of
personal growth happens in an intimate relationship.
Melody's website, SinglesWorkshops.com, was created for
the specific purpose of providing relationship education to single adults so
that they may be better prepared for creating healthy, lasting
relationships.
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